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Neil Pasricha made a name for himself with his 1000 Awesome Things blog. To nutshell it, at a time of great sorrow, he started blogging about all these simple things in life that are awesome, that made him feel good, such as:

#953 When the cashier opens up a new checkout lane at the grocery store

and

#955 Sneezing three or more times in a row

I’m not going to come anywhere near 1000, but because I care about you, dear readers, I am going to list off some things that I know will NOT make you happy. These are tried, tested, and true. None of the things I will mention below will make you happy. Any happiness you feel should you acquire such things is merely temporary. If you have recently been tempted by any of these things in the plight for the elusive happiness, here’s your chance to simply avoid the disappointment. As for me, I will continue to sacrifice my own happiness on your behalves because I’m a giver like that.

  1. A product that promises to make your hair look like you spent the day at the beach
  2. Thick, scandalously long eyelashes
  3. Lips that look like they’ve been stung by an insect
  4. A pretty/clever/unique cover for your smartphone
  5. A smartphone
  6. A thin metallic belt
  7. A furry hat
  8. Buttery soft leather gloves
  9. An antique anything
  10. Mid-century modern furniture
  11. A tissue box that looks like a slice of fruit
  12. Balayage
  13. Most apps
  14. Colourful rubber boots
  15. Uggs
  16. Vintage style anything
  17. A leather-bound journal
  18. A juicer
  19. Air freshener that smells like linens hung out to dry
  20. Floor cleaner that smells like almonds
  21. Shampoo that smells like coconut
  22. A ceramic Boston Terrier
  23. Anything that you’ve ever purchased at The It Store or the first floor of Urban Outfitters
  24. Legwarmers
  25. Chunky eyewear
  26. A package of brightly-coloured origami paper
  27. A fancy-smelling candle in a fancy metal container with a fancy-sounding name
  28. Farmer’s market fare
  29. A pedicure
  30. Tidy eyebrows
  31. A tall boot

To be continued…

Originally posted September 3, 2012

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