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I’m procrastinating. Again. But this time, it’s procrastination for good, not the cat video-watching kind. I’m writing this to show my appreciation to someone for essentially kicking my ass and not letting me get away sitting down when I’m tired. I explain:

I’m talking about my personal trainer, Roy Anger (his name is actually “Anger” – isn’t that amazing?). Yes, I have a personal trainer. I pay a lot of money to have someone else force me to exercise. Don’t judge. I don’t have a massive television, I don’t have a cable bill, and I don’t really eat meat, so I figure I’m about evensies money-wise. Besides, it’s my money and if I want to spend it on slippers that look like sushi, then that’s my prerogative, Bobby Brown.

family-guy-exercise-motivation

Anyhoo, Roy is great. Yes, I have been known to quote him out of context on Twitter, even go so far as comparing him to certain high profile foot-mailing murderers, to make him look like a bad guy, but it’s all for jokes. I would be dumb to lay blame on someone for making me work hard, especially since that is what I’m paying him to do.

What’s great about Roy, apart from his vast knowledge of physiology, kinesiology, nutrition, sports marketing, food lobbyists, and alternative uses for lacrosse balls, is his ability to motivate. In other words,

“…the art of getting people to do what you want them to do because they want to do it.” – Dwight D. Eisenhower

So what, right? Isn’t that what a personal trainer is supposed to do? Say things to get you to do one last dip or crunch or lift or lunge, to really push yourself, give it your all, do your best, go for gold, blah blah blah? Yeah, Roy does that all right. But then he takes it a step further.

He takes those motivation techniques, and applies them to other goals I am trying to achieve in life. How does he do this? He breaks them down into consumable chunks, like reps in exercise, and gives me small, easily accomplished tasks to complete. And then, he holds me accountable to them. “When are you going to do it?” he demands. If I answer vaguely, he forces me to specify. And then he commands me to email him when I have completed the task because he’s noted when I’m committed to finishing it. And then, the kicker: he will threaten me physically if I don’t get the thing done in the time that I said I would. I’m not talking punching me in the throat or something like that. Worse: burpees. Oh yeah – an hour’s worth of burpees. I’d do pretty much anything to avoid that shit.

Executive Summary of Anger Motivation

  1. Break down goal into smaller tasks
  2. Hold the person accountable to them by specifying a deadline
  3. Physical threats

So thanks, Roy. I will continue to pretend to hate our training sessions and complain about what torture it is, and you can continue to chastise me for being a baby and whining my face off. But I wanted to let you and everyone else know how much you’ve helped me. Now, I will go and do that thing that you told me to do. Because I want to.

* * *

Roy Anger is a personal trainer at the Good Life Fitness Club at Steeles & Woodbine. You can read his blog, where he posts some of the most insane workouts I’ve ever seen, at fortitudestrength.wordpress.com. You can also follow him on Twitter @RoyAnger.

Originally posted August 15, 2012

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